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The saga of the
INCONSIDERATE
TRANSPORTER
By Patrick O'Leary
It's tough at the top when you have to make decisions like raising the price of fuel by 72% such as President Robert Mugabe's government in Zimbabwe has recently done.
However, if you think it's tough at that level, try being on the receiving end of such decisions - that's real tough as evidenced by the Zimbabwean transporter pictured alongside this story who can no longer afford to buy diesel - when there is any - but has made a plan to get the bread delivered on time to the President's breakfast table.
Word has it that the President's bacon and egg deliveries have also suffered as transporters are now battling to get fuel for the new motive power of Zimbabwe, the ox. Farm invasions by 'war veterans' have stymied agricultural production so fodder is becoming scarce.
Given this, Mugabe's government has ordered transporters to switch to bicycles as, apparently, the President is getting terribly agitated at having his breakfast table inconvenienced by inconsiderate transporters.
This hit a snag, however, when someone told him that the local bicycle manufacturer had closed following an invasion of the factory by 'war veterans' who demanded Zim$10-million in back payments to five workers who were retrenched from the company ten years ago. The cheque was handed over to the 'veterans' in a grand ceremony which coincided with the closure of this long-established concern. The ceremony was also attended by 100 workers who are now jobless.
The five workers at whom the payment was directed could not attend due to business commitments. It is rumoured that they used the retrenchment packages paid to them 10 years ago to emigrate and start a modern bicycle factory overseas.
Still agitated at all this inconvenience to his daily breakfast, Mugabe then ordered transporters to import bicycles from overseas. All was going well on this front until the local importer applied for forex to pay the supplier. He was told there is none. This resulted in the overseas supplier cancelling the deal.
Word has it that Mugabe is really peeved off with the supplier and slated the management board - apparently made up of five men - for their lack of moral conscience and fibre in supporting the poorer nations of the world.
He has also condemned local transporters for their failure to do the job of supplying the nation with its needs - like his breakfast. As a backlash - and in line with his firm belief in pushing for a national ethic which promotes health, safety and environment - he has decreed that from hereon in, the municipality will no longer pick up the ox dropping from their trucks. If a transporter does not clean up the emissions from his trucks, he will be charged under the new No Ox Dropping Environmental Act No 1 of 2001.
This decree has thrown the trucking industry into a quandary as operators are now forced to buy shovels for their trucks. However, the local shovel manufacturer has closed following - you guessed it - an invasion by the 'war veterans' - and there's no forex to import shovels.
As a tail note, our correspondent in Harare reports that he intercepted a government purchase order made out to Rainbow Farms for 10 egg-laying chickens and some pigs for Mugabe's palatial home. There's only one problem though - there's no diesel, no fodder, no forex and no bicycles. So how are they going to be transported?
Phew! And you thought being a transporter in Africa was hard. Try being a President!
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